Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me...

today was awesome.

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 00:33:33 GMT

not. Well the market was fun. I really miss have Saturdays off, they just might be my favorite day. I think it's because I'm used to Saturday being the day you get stuff done and I really like to get stuff done. I don't even enjoy sleeping in these days, because I feel like there's something more important I should be doing. And that's great, I'm definitely ok with that. I'm very restless tonight, which leads me to believe I need to engage in more hobbies. I need something to do in between smoking weed, sitting at home and partying. I like a little bit of all of those things, but after a while, it gets boring. I want to go back to school. Ever since I started planning it, I've been bursting to go back. Right now I'm just bursting to do anything interesting. Really anything other than sitting here, on my futon, watching fucking Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh yeah, by the way, winter = hockey = no boyfriend. This season is definitely looking up.

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 16:40:08 GMT

holy crap I need a life! 3 entries in 3 days...for some reason my nerdome is always in full effect when I'm staying at my parents' house. I want to make over some part of myself. I mean aside from the obvious need for a gym membership, pilates and yoga 5 times a week, I need to makeover my...soul? No way, I did not just say that. Unfortunately, the key to this kind of makeover is often found through a series of superficial changes. A new haircut, a facial, perhaps simply a gosh darn good shopping trip.

It's just occurred to me that I need to lighten the fuck up. I'm too tense, I think too much about nothing and frankly, I'm boring. And how can a Crayola crayon be boring? Yes...that's what the girls want to dress up as this year for Halloween, and really, I'm in no position to argue. I haven't even managed to appear at our weekly Gatsby's soiree or throw up Thursdays, so I certainly have no right to be changing the costume agreement. And I'm ok with being a crayon, I like to color! My only concern is that they have elected me to be the black crayon. Apparently it was a group decision, that they all agreed I seemed like a black crayon. Does that mean if we were dressing up as Disney characters they would want me to be Eeyore? Am I just a dark cloud that everyone has come to accept? To be reasonable, I did show up that night wearing my black Peepshow skirt, with my black seamed tights and an old lace collared shirt from Club Monaco I found in my parents' basement. It was also black. Hell, maybe I just really like black.

oh Glenbourne, how you're all still watering your grass in synchronization...it's October.

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 00:24:21 GMT

So, it's Saturday night and I'm hanging out at my parents' house. Yup. Pretty...pretty...pretty cool. It's so great to have friends who never call you back. It's also wicked to have a hard time typing about your pathetic lack of Saturday night plans because your fingers are frozen! My dad and I have started our annual war against the thermostat. He does not believe in heat. In fact, I'm fairly certain the screen door in our kitchen is open right now, which is why I've retired to the basement. However, I just realized there isn't even a tv down here because I stole it for my apartment when I moved out. Uh huh. I know, wah wah, I have a terrible life, poor me. I could go home, hang out with the kitties, smoke a joint, enjoy some heat...but it's kind of messy there. Also, living two seconds away from SMU provides me with a constant reminder that I am not cool, especially when I hear people blaring Summer Jamz: 2005 while throwing up in our parking lot.

I don't even know how to end this really. I'm bored and I would like some excitement, please. Nothing makes you wanna get high more than being stuck in the middle of suburbia.

welcome back.

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 01:14:57 GMT

I just wrote this huge entry about how crazy I’ve been this past week and how I’m writing in my livejournal because I’m at my parents’ house for the weekend and don’t want to be alone and needed to hear myself think out loud. That got erased. But that’s ok, because the gist of it was that lately, I’m so insecure I feel sick.

I worry about nothing to the point where I create problems and I think about non-existent issues to the point where I spend parts of my day in the bathroom wondering if I’m going to throw up. I hate being lonely and I freak out when I am because it means I’m not independent enough and that I’m going to push people away because of it. I worry about a missed phone call or not giving the proper response to a good morning salute or not having the exact goodbye I had anticipated while standing on a busy street corner on a 20 minute lunch break.

I remember looking out my grandmother’s window when I was about 10. It was almost 6:30 and my parents still hadn’t come to pick me up. They were always there before 6. It was November, and I remember because it was dark out and I had noticed earlier that day that it was almost black outside at 5. I hate the time of year when you come to accept that summer is over and things are colder and it gets dark earlier and earlier for months to come. My grandma usually complained when they were late. Not because she didn’t want me there but because it was “common courtesy” to call when you were running behind. She didn’t say anything that day though; I think she could tell my ten-year-old perception of things did not need anymore discomforting contributions.

My parents showed up a few minutes later, apologizing for a meeting that had kept them late. I don’t think they had any idea of the worry or the sickness that I had felt that past hour. That through my visions of horrifying car crashes and disaster, I had also wondered if in a few years I would have an ulcer. I’d heard about those before, my mom’s uncle had one and when I asked someone what an ulcer was they just said it’s what people get when they worry a lot.

It smells like muffins upstairs, which I guess reminds me that I’m not anywhere near alone tonight and that I really don’t have anything to worry about right now. I may not be doing exactly what I’d like at this very moment, but I have the complete first season of the OC to watch and Seth Cohen will just have to be my boyfriend this weekend. Back to not being crazy and sad and uneasy, because I just have to get over it. The only problem I have is with not having a problem. But anyway.

He just doesn’t know what it’s like to be left out.

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 14:27:48 GMT

You know how everyone talks about the one event in their life that made them realize they weren't a kid anymore? I just had mine. And in some ways it's sad, because the part of me that thought some things are sacred is gone, but in other ways, it's ok, because at least now I know what to expect.

I never thought I was the kind of person that lived in a world where whatever I hoped was true, was actually true. I guess that just means I never realized how naive I am. The chorus of 'I told you so's are definitely on their way, but it's true, so I deserve it.

I woke up this morning a different person and as typical as that sounds, I think I'll be ok with it. It was time for some new perspective anyway. I don't want anything else to change, I will continue to be happy, and no matter how many times the people I care about screw me over or make me feel shitty, I'll get over it, continue my relationships, forgive and forget, because that's what people do. I'm not bitter, I'm not changing anything and I will never, ever, talk about this again.

P.S. I got a tattoo.

ick.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 13:04:53 GMT

Every now and again, I go through these phases where I feel sick in the morning, every morning for weeks. All day I kind of carry around this feeling of discomfort, but when I wake up it's at its worst. It used to happen a lot when I was a kid, cause I was always worried about something for no reason. I've felt like something is terrible wrong ever since thursday and I can't seem to shake it. It sucks that this time there kind of is a reason.

Working all weekend should help I guess, I just need to chill out.

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 07:29:36 GMT

I am high. High high high high high high high. and that's all.

fuck fuck fuck

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 04:04:45 GMT

I'm so bored and irritated and cranky and antsy and alone and ahhhhh. I'm begging someone, anyone, just shoot me now. please.

since when was a B- good enough?

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 02:55:58 GMT

So this weekend I had a revelation. If I continue doing things the way I have been, I will flunk out of school by Christmas. That would be a nice present for my family. So this week, I've done all my homework and gone to all my classes (so far), and it sucks, but it feels somewhat right.

It's so windy outside and Emily's leaving for the night and what if my roof blows off and I'm all alone?!

This weather is an unwelcome reminder that winter is on its way. Winter and I don't get along. We fought a lot last year and I lost, big time. I can't go there again. This year will be different. This year will be better.

Are we really happy with who we are right now?

Sat, 30 Oct 2004 13:01:05 GMT

I hate work. I want so badly to sleep through today and wake up in a better mood. I feel anxious and annoyed by everything...

Someone should:
-Write me a letter
-Give me lots of money so I never have to work again
-Not be uncool and inconsiderate
-Tell me a good story
-Send groceries
-Help me pass psych
-Make me want to stay here.

oh and...

-Come to our Halloween party.

the ending end of all earthly learning....mmhm.

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 03:29:55 GMT

Oh someone help. I don't care about archictectonike, but it seems as though by Renaissance prof does seeing how I have paper due on it in oh, 10 hours, and haven't written a single word. Please note that it is almost 12:30am. I'm fucked.

I find something else to do or fix everytime I try to sit down and write. It's too cold. I'm hungry. It's too quiet. It's too loud. I should make coffee. I should update my LJ? There's definitely something wrong with me, I am going insane.

Someone rescue me. Right Now.

were you dead way before tonight?

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 02:50:04 GMT

I've been very nostalgic lately. I suppose it's because Emily has moved in and we've been listening to like Big Shiny Tunes and the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. Those were the days.

Losing friends sucks, there's seems to be a lot of that going on lately. I miss so many people and I just want everything back. I hate feeling like I'm the only that thinks anything matters, I guess more than anything I'm tired of making all the effort.

There used to be a time when I'd get excited about the start of a new week, but tomorrow's is monday and I'd like nothing more than for it to go away. I think I'll sleep through November.

...I crumble, you wait for it.

...you think you're worth more than you earned

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 16:18:32 GMT

It's 1pm and I am done school for the day. University is great. It's actually not but I can pretend.

I've decided I will not be living in Halifax this time next year. I wish it was this time THIS year, but I'm not that lucky. Hopefully Dijon will have me, but if not, well I don't know yet.

I live alone, so if anyone else lives alone and doesn't like it, come live with me. I have a nice apartment and a cute kitty.

Montreal in two weeks, should be a nice little vacation. I'll more than likely be tempted to stay there.

I wish everything was different.

it's stale and smells of smoke in here....

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 06:16:52 GMT

there's nothing else to say, except I don't like being alone here anymore.

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 04:10:47 GMT

Worst Summer Ever.

I'm sick. Someone give me a cure.

KITTEN FOR SALE

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 16:54:23 GMT

It's rainy and gross. I haven't really gotten out of bed yet, I'm sooo lazy. I really need to be doing something productive.

The past few months all I have wanted to do was move away. And it seems kind of immature to me. I mean, the whole wanting to live some other life somewhere more exciting. I guess just because I know it's naive.
It's not to say that I hate Halifax, or that there's nothing here for me, because I know that's not true. I'm just having a hard time finding anything lately.

I'd love to you all about my awesome night last night, but since it consisted of me moping the floor 5 times trying to soak up the $30 full bottle of creme de menthe milo knocked over, I'll spare you the details.

Things I hate
-the bus
-the rain
-customers who tap their table or snap their fingers at you
-visa bill
-the rain
-having no life
-the rain
-not having a roommate
-moldy bread.

Enough.

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 15:17:41 GMT

I had a Sex and the City marathon by myself last night. It was excellent. Although, while it may have temporarily gotten me out of my bored, cranky, blah mood, it did not get me out of having to work all weekend.

I wish I was away. Pictures update soon, I was looking at my bulletin board at home, and... wait, you'll see later.

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 16:07:06 GMT

Ok, I'm becoming a soap opera watching shut-in again, this is just no good. I'm cranky, it's nice outside and I'm inside and I know it's my own fault, but still...
Someone call me to do something fun please!!!

So I'm supposed to be taking this summer course in a couple weeks which means no more sleeping in for Erin, ever again. I still have time to decide if I want to do it or not, but if I did, I could just take 4 courses in the fall. Thoughts anyone? It might be a good idea considering how last year went. I still don't understand how I got a B in FYP, I put such little effort into it, especially second semester.

Alright, I need to get out, maybe I'll go for a walk. This was boring, sorry.

too fucking early

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 12:37:40 GMT

Alright, we'll see how this whole LJ thing works out. I can't believe I'm giving in and getting one...
So last night retro night plans fell through which sucked, because I really needed to go hang out with friends. Oh well, tonight I'm hanging out with my mom, I'm so cool.

The job hunt is on. I'm so fed up with the restaurant right now. The other day they called and made me come in for some reservation and then they didn't even show, so I got paid for like less than an hour. I was so mad, I like had a mental breakdown. I know, it's ridiculous so get upset about something like that but my dad was pissed that I had to leave, we were having dinner, and I was just overtired and not in the mood for not getting paid.

It's 27 degrees outside, I want to go swimming or have a picnic or something. But I get to work instead!! Ok, I just heard a splash which means Milo is probably drowning in the toilet, I guess I should go rescue him, later.